Lost

I have not been sleeping very well since many nights. I usually wake up with fear or pain, my throat dried and my heart racing. I have been trying to meditate but even those few moments of peace have been eluding me. The paradise is lost. I feel I have been slapped back to reality from the happiness zone I have living in since last few months. There is again that restlessness and an irrational irritation constantly tugging at my heeart. I have started praying again. And praying hard.

I am forgetting the way to my peace mountain. I am getting lost again.

"So here I am with all that I am, with some luggage in tow,
With a map that I don’t understand, a little lost, and a knowing that I don’t know" - 1/13/09

What am I doing wrong? What am I doing different since last 2 weeks to cause this imbalance? When I sit to meditate my mind races in all directions. I can no longer see myself in the clear, still pool of my mind.