My life today is a direct result of my desires which are manifesting over a period of time in an order that someone somewhere deems right. Growing up I was afraid that my life would be very uneventful and very boring, so I prayed for an interesting, engaging life. I remember that I had asked for a life which was like one of the movies where the protagonist is happy, sad, conflicted, tormented and then there is a happy ending. And yes, my life has been full of drama and events so much so that all I have desired since last couple of years and especially last year, earnestly, is a Zen movie. A life of quiet, peace and joy.
Does the desire for internal growth always come after pain and conflict? Do you think a person, completely happy, materially and emotionally, open his eyes, stare at the ceiling while the morning sunshine cascades through the drapes, and with the smile on his lips say 'I am going to find out who I really am' ?
Most of my fellow travelers on this inner journey have been beaten badly, bent out of shape before they dragged themselves on this road. Most of them have resisted, begged, and tried to wiggle their way out, but have been defeated and left with no other option. They all started on this road, dragging their feet at first and then eventually picking up the pace and now I feel some of us are ready to run.
So as this year ends, here it is, to my fellow travelers, who have partied year after year on the New Year’s Eve, drunk and little spaced, but this year desiring to end this year on a different note, with peace and quiet and joy to the world. May 2009 really give you wings, no really.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
My Friend
My Friend called me yesterday and said that she was not ready to cross the line. Yes, the same line that I mentioned earlier. She said 'What then is the purpose of life?' A good question. She said 'I want to be happy, I want to be sad, I want to want things and feel the joy of winning and sadness of losing'. So I said to her that that was absolutely fine. There was no need for her to cross the line. Not yet anyways. Most of us cross the line only when all the other roads lead to dead end. And this is too is a realization hard to come by. And when it comes, there is no other road to embark upon but to take that leap.
I have observed that most of the unhappiness in a life is because you are out of alignment with who you truly are and meant to be. A small example would be to choose a job or a profession which does not align with your passion. This relatively small misalignment can cause so much misery, then imagine the misery that is born out of living day in day out being someone other then what you are meant to be. And being yourself has nothing to do with the job you have or the roles you play in everyday life. It is beyond that.
Life is wonderful in that it hands out these realizations in small doses. Small doses that keep you going and saying 'ah ha.. so this is what it means...'. It makes this journey so joyful. Every day you grow some more and grasp some more of the life and its wonders. The blue skies, the golden sun, the white sands, the aqua marine waters, the peaceful mountains, the meditating trees, singing birds, growing children. I could go on and on listing the pleasures of this journey. So I just smile when my friend says not yet, because right now I am just happy that she knows that there is that line. And once you know, you cannot NOT know. So sooner or later she will get there. Sooner or later she too will stop wondering and start believing. And that too will be a day to celerbrate.
I have observed that most of the unhappiness in a life is because you are out of alignment with who you truly are and meant to be. A small example would be to choose a job or a profession which does not align with your passion. This relatively small misalignment can cause so much misery, then imagine the misery that is born out of living day in day out being someone other then what you are meant to be. And being yourself has nothing to do with the job you have or the roles you play in everyday life. It is beyond that.
Life is wonderful in that it hands out these realizations in small doses. Small doses that keep you going and saying 'ah ha.. so this is what it means...'. It makes this journey so joyful. Every day you grow some more and grasp some more of the life and its wonders. The blue skies, the golden sun, the white sands, the aqua marine waters, the peaceful mountains, the meditating trees, singing birds, growing children. I could go on and on listing the pleasures of this journey. So I just smile when my friend says not yet, because right now I am just happy that she knows that there is that line. And once you know, you cannot NOT know. So sooner or later she will get there. Sooner or later she too will stop wondering and start believing. And that too will be a day to celerbrate.
Present in Present
They say living in present is the key to one’s life, growth and peace. It is therefore a path to attain the highest wisdom. If you are present in present then you gain insight into what and hows of every question that has haunted you on this path. Per my practice, living in present, is one of the most difficult thing to do. It is tricky, just when you think that you know how to get to present you are transported to another tense.
I initially started getting the glimpse into present when I started doing yoga more regularly, when unknowingly I started to monitor my breath and my body. And as the knots in my muscles started to melt so did the tension in my mind. I finished most of my yoga sessions feeling at peace, calmer then when I started. I had unknowingly tapped into present. As I started to understand this new tense, I realized I living had been living in a doped state of my mind for most of my life.
I have started allocating time just to think, so that it does not interfere with my living in present. My monkey mind is protesting with all its might but I guess sooner or later it will relent.
I initially started getting the glimpse into present when I started doing yoga more regularly, when unknowingly I started to monitor my breath and my body. And as the knots in my muscles started to melt so did the tension in my mind. I finished most of my yoga sessions feeling at peace, calmer then when I started. I had unknowingly tapped into present. As I started to understand this new tense, I realized I living had been living in a doped state of my mind for most of my life.
I have started allocating time just to think, so that it does not interfere with my living in present. My monkey mind is protesting with all its might but I guess sooner or later it will relent.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
getting there -one step at a time
Writing. Thinking, Reflecting. Drowsy. Walking. Anger. Irritated. Reflecting. Meeting. Intending. Chewing. Swallowing…
Well this is what I have been up to. Started this crazy ‘name the thought’ process. Similar to Vipaasana. And I say similar because I do not have what it takes to do Vipaasana at this point in life. Ten days of austerity. Maybe I could manage to wrangle the ten days out of my very busy and happening life (being sarcastic here).. but the desire is not there yet…so I thought let me try this.. One of the basic techniques in Vipaasana is naming the thoughts, watching and naming them, not judging just observing…
And goodness, my mind is one very very busy place… very busy.. it gets creative with the stories, most of which are mundane.. I wonder can how I could have lived all these years with a mind like this, which constantly conjures up one thought after another, one image after another. It has been an eye opener…
So this morning I decided let me meditate. I got up at 5 a.m. willed myself out of the bed, washed my face, all the while cheering myself and giving myself a pep talk -’yes I can do this’ and sat cross legged without slouching… and I sat and told myself I have 2 hours before the day begins so take your time to get into the groove.. so I met people and did things and went places and successfully completed a challenging project and received accolades and in between all these managed few moments of quite, even breathing… and when I open my eyes it was 1 hr since I had sat cross legged.. Then I did math -if I had spent 40 minutes wandering the wonderland, at least 20 mins I was in communion with my goal..at least 20 mins I really was present… and I will rejoice in that victory today..
Well this is what I have been up to. Started this crazy ‘name the thought’ process. Similar to Vipaasana. And I say similar because I do not have what it takes to do Vipaasana at this point in life. Ten days of austerity. Maybe I could manage to wrangle the ten days out of my very busy and happening life (being sarcastic here).. but the desire is not there yet…so I thought let me try this.. One of the basic techniques in Vipaasana is naming the thoughts, watching and naming them, not judging just observing…
And goodness, my mind is one very very busy place… very busy.. it gets creative with the stories, most of which are mundane.. I wonder can how I could have lived all these years with a mind like this, which constantly conjures up one thought after another, one image after another. It has been an eye opener…
So this morning I decided let me meditate. I got up at 5 a.m. willed myself out of the bed, washed my face, all the while cheering myself and giving myself a pep talk -’yes I can do this’ and sat cross legged without slouching… and I sat and told myself I have 2 hours before the day begins so take your time to get into the groove.. so I met people and did things and went places and successfully completed a challenging project and received accolades and in between all these managed few moments of quite, even breathing… and when I open my eyes it was 1 hr since I had sat cross legged.. Then I did math -if I had spent 40 minutes wandering the wonderland, at least 20 mins I was in communion with my goal..at least 20 mins I really was present… and I will rejoice in that victory today..
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